ergh

I've decided, i should just be like everyone else maybe, because i mean people don't like me for who i am anymore, they only see my face, which is hideous and it might be pathetic, but ugly is the most spiteful thing i think anyone can ever suggest and recently i feel so useless and unattractive. "good body, ugly face" i guess that's what I'll always be seen as since it creeps up on me when i forget about it. I'm grateful I'm not fat, but i think I'm tiered of people saying "your a nice girl" because that doesn't make me like myself or anything in fact it makes me feel like shit.

This has been my first week of being a complete failure to myself and my mum. I dropped out of school so it does sound bad, but it doesn't mean that i am not doing something about it? i hate school, i hate most of the teachers, i hate homework and tbh some of the people in it who i thought were my friends are either stuck up and no fun anymore or they are out of control and i can't be bothered with their bullshit and lies. yes, lies, i am hypocrite.

i am so use to having a shit relationship that would include me being a complete whore or them being a complete psycho clingy drug addict :|. So i'm not use to having this one even if it's like nearly 3 months it's still long for me and looking back i choke on my mistakes. I realised, when you break up with these kinds of people they turn on you. For example telling me i'm too small, too fat, too thin, to ugly, to bucked tooth, to whatever. These people aren't worth it.
Especially you, you told me i will never rise to your standerds, i will never be the dream girl you want, and you dated me because i'm real and well to tell me it's just sex but then months after to look at me as if your jaw was about to fall off, i don't believe the shit you come out with.


And on the subject of "love" last night i made a big decision. I won't be jelous of her when you never get the chance to be happy, you need to be happy and i was a drunk silly bitch. ak and now your gone, another person abandoning me, but one of my best friends the only one of them i kinda really trust now, apart from jess(L):(.

don't pressure me into smoking, or not smoking. i'll quit gradually it's not a overnight process. AND as far as hardcore class A drugs, you can fuck off right now.